Hello Emily! I'm glad you are doing a storybook on goddess stories. Are all the stories going to be about greek goddesses or will there be goddesses from other cultures as well? First, I felt that this introduction had strong vocabulary. I especially liked in the last sentence where you said she loved her companions "fiercely" and "completely". While these words aren't necessarily big words or anything like that, they felt descriptive. I could tell she feels strongly about these people and other beings who accompany her in her hunt. Second, I can tell that your knowledge of Greek mythology is strong. I liked how you covertly included the fact that Zeus and Apollo have trouble controlling their desires and such. Basically, you included little bits of info on several gods/goddesses besides Artemis, and I appreciate that. It makes the story feel fuller. While Artemis is the focus of this introduction, we get to see how the world is outside of her. Anyways, great job on this introduction. I can't wait to read more!
Hi, Emily! I think the idea of Goddess Stories is wonderful, though I do have a few questions. First, I found the title somewhat misleading when compared to the introduction. Will your Storybook focus exclusively on Artemis, or will other goddess like Athena and Aphrodite have equal representation? If so, will they have introductions akin to Artemis'? Next, have you considered taking creative liberties with the setting of your Storybook? You made the reference "after the humans stopped asking her for help so much, she could travel farther afield." To me, this sentence makes two implications. First, the story seems to be set sometime after the timeframe of classical Greek myths (when humans were frequently appealing to the gods for help), perhaps in the present day? Second, where exactly is farther afield? Will Artemis be traveling to exotic locations, away from Mount Olympus? I am eager to see these questions answered as your stories continue!
Hey Emily! I really like the layout of your website. It has a very easy way to navigate through all of the pages within the website. Also, all of the links worked on the website and the comment wall. I liked the pictures you chose for the website up to this point and hope you use some Artemis images for the next pages you post. The title of the website is also really good. It grabs your attention and makes a person want to go to your website like I did. I also like your topic for the project a lot. The spin takes on Artemis is very interesting and I like how it is still similar to the original ways of thinking that Artemis and Aphrodite had in the Greek myths. I look forward to reading more and your story and seeing how it unfolds in the next pages in the future.
“How to Join an Immortal Girl Gang” is a fantastic, captivating title. I love the myths around Artemis and her hunting troupe (I even retold the story of Callisto, which the troupe modernized as a girl gang). I enjoyed your characterization of Artemis as a goddess who not only does not partake in the quarrelling of the other gods, but also a goddess who just does not understand why they engage in that behavior, anyway. She is definitely her own person (goddess?) in this introduction and I look forward to how you will write her in your stories!
Your intro was short, and to the point, and I feel like you got across what you will be doing in this storybook well. I don’t believe I have ever heard the story of Iphigenia, so this will be an exciting read for me. Good luck with your future stories, I look forward to reading them!
Hey Emily! Overall I really loved the introduction! I think the wording and the style are well put together. The primary thing that I have to say, though, is that I'm a little confused. I was excited to read about Artemis and her journeys, but then at the very end you seemed to change direction, and now I'm not totally sure what your next story will be about.
Like I said, I can't stress enough that I think your intro is wonderful, but I'm not too sure what to comment on, as I'm not totally sure what the theme of your storybook is. I think all you need to do is either add some lines that make it a little clearer or reduce sections of it that aren't as important. You've got a really good basis here, so I think all your story needs is a clearer direction and idea.
Hi Emily! I really enjoyed your introduction as well as the two banners you have on the home page and the introduction page. The title “How to Join an Immortal Girl Gang” really made me want to click on it and read it. It just caught my attention and I am sure I am not alone. The introduction was great. It shows how people are today. Everyone is trying to cause havoc and become the most powerful person that they can be. While Artemis is just all on her own with just her troupe, hunting and traveling the world. And she could never be happier. Everyone is wondering how she does it and does not believe that she could actually be happy. If you just tried it one time and not doing what everyone else is doing or what they are wanting you to do. I am looking forward to reading your first story and see how she joins the immortal gang.
I really like that your storybook is about Goddesses! I found your idea to tell Iphigenia's story with more detail a very smart move as there was definitely a story to be told! I liked how Iphigenia, ever since she was a child, wanted to be active and learn how to defend herself. This empowerment of a seemingly minor character was very well done! I do wonder though, was it the actual death of Iphigenia that allowed the war to happen or the consequences Agamemnon was faced with after killing his daughter? This would be an interesting point to follow up on in either a future story or an edit of this story! As for the introduction, I found it very well written and relate-able to times today! The introduction of the characters was well done lead me directly to the first story!
This title caught me right off the bat. Based on the Greco-Roman arches I see on the Homepage I’m going to guess that this is about Artemis? Yup, first word of the Introduction. I appreciate your short paragraphs… especially for this kind of short story, it really helps to divide up the narrative and give the reader a sense of how the author wants them to read. You do a great job of causing the reader to think one thing when you reveal that it is actually another… I thought you were going to introduce Artemis as a lesbian, which I’m here for, but you made it more about #FierceFemaleFriendships and how platonic relationships can be just as fulfilling as romantic ones. I also like that you explore the idea that romantic relationships, and the accompanying passions, can distract some of the other gods from what they should actually be doing.
With regard to Iphigenia, I love the graphic at the top! I also think this idea of Artmeis retelling the story is important, especially because it is clear that she has a very different view than the other gods. I find the line “And Artemis, loathe to disappoint her dear friend and alway hungry for adventure herself, would be all to happy to agree” to be particularly compelling.
In addition, the Author’s Note does a good job of fleshing out the story and making it clear who the main actors were. Overall, really great job!
I really like the direction that you storybook is headed. I think it is a really great story line, and you definitely have the pictures and titles to draw your readers in. Your introduction is really good. It gives me a pretty good idea of where you are heading. I think it is great that you decided to focus on an unrepresented character by telling her story in a unique way. My main concern is in regards to your first story. I am not exactly sure where you are headed with this part. I understand the background of the story you are telling because you included a fairly detailed author's note. However, I think you need to add some kind of event that your readers can get excited about during the story, such as adding a twist to the plot. Your writing is really good - but I think that you need to add another component to this story that can draw your readers in to come read the next story that you post.
Hey Emily! I was really interested by your storybook topic! I like that you chose to write about goddesses, especially about Iphigenia, someone who is never talked about as much as the other goddesses. I think the way you are writing this story and the direction you are going with it is great! I like stories that focus not on the main characters, but on the side characters, or even the characters that are RARELY mentioned. In your story, you give a lot of background information about Iphigenia as well, which is really great for people who do not know much about her. I am curious to see what you do with the rest of your story and if you are going to bring in other goddesses (famous or not) or just stick with Iphigenia's story the whole way through! Great job overall and I can't wait to read the rest :)
Hey Emily! First off, I love your title! How to Join an Immortal Girl Gang is just so fantastic and made me want to read your story immediately. Your intro does a great job of setting up the general information you need for the story, but I think it could be a bit punchier to draw reader's in more. I feel like you are doing a good job retelling the myths but there could be more variation. More of your individual style added. Is there anything that you are going to change about the myths? Are you going to insert a reader and have them actually join the immortal girl gang? Or are you just retelling stories about Artemis's followers? I think your writing style works well with what you have now, but you could add more interest and individuality to the retellings to make them more engaging, to differentiate yourself more from the original myth.
Hi Emily, I have already commented on your introduction and now get to read your first story! I enjoyed the introduction and got lucky enough to randomize you storybook again. I remembered the title before I scrolled down and saw my comment showing how great the title is. The details throughout this entire story are spectacular. I enjoyed how she had lost track of Iphigenia and then one day she began to pray and immediately recognized her voice. And her reaction to finding out she is in trouble is great. She does not even know how she is in trouble yet and her blood begins to boil. I like how you said the Agamemnon might not need god’s interference for punishment since the wife’s punishment might be enough. I laughed when I heard that and everyone knows it is true. I really enjoyed your first story and look forward to reading your next two.
Hey Emily! I really love the title you used for your storybook. After reading your intro and first story, I can say that you're very good at using description in your writing! A suggestion would be to make the first paragraph or few sentences in the intro even more dramatic, as your stories set the tone for this and the opening always entices readers even more. Your author's notes are very thorough and help people like me who haven't read these stories understand how you put your spin on it! The photos you use match your stories, and it could be cool to include another photo that depicts the scenery/setting of these stories so we can visualize the time frame. I think capitalizing on your descriptions passion will make your stories very enticing! An idea that could be helpful is to include transition paragraphs at the end so we know where the next story will pick up. Great job on your stories so far and good luck in the future!
I'm a visitor from the site next door, Indian Epics, and I wanted to tell you that I really enjoy your storybook. Your writing style is clean, direct, and fun, and I love the mental image of this elite band roaming the world together for eternity!
Your choice to tell the origins for each (I'm guessing there will be more after Iphigenia) was very smart, and there's something so much more cheerful to imagining Artemis bringing them along, rather than letting them decompose as old sacrifices. There is a lot of uber-depressing stuff in almost every culture's backstory, and I love seeing this in a new (and slightly less morbid) light.
I can't wait to see who else will be initiated into the gang, and I really wonder if you're going to include a story with all of the members, perhaps as a finale? As you mentioned that Iphigenia suggested they strike out for the world, perhaps a tale in modern times could happen too, if they are still out there roaming?
Hi Emily great job on your story book so far! I am from the Indian Epics class, so I appreciate the detailed introduction because it explains the background to your storybook really well. The plot behind your story is really interesting because you focus on only one goddess instead of multiple, but you go into great detail about Artemis. The purpose for Artemis granting Iphigenia immortality is explained well, and it makes more sense than Artemis granting her immortality for almost no reason. The authors note does a great job explaining how you changed the original story. It is definitely different from the original, but still sticks to some of the same details which makes a lot of sense for the type of storybook that you are writing. I am curious to see how you progress the story. If Artemis and Iphigenia just hunt and travel together, or if there are more that Artemis grants immortality. Great job on your storybook so far. I look forward to reading more of the stories.
Hey Emily! I really love your storybook! I have been doing a portfolio project and almost all of the other ones that I have checked out are portfolios as well, so I really appreciated the introduction you gave. Your storybook looks like it is really coming together nicely! I really love your writing style. You have a great talent in writing that keeps the reader interested and curious as to what is going to happen. I love how you have decided to focus on just one goddess instead of all of Mount Olympus. It is a new and refreshing way to take in some stories surrounding Greek mythology. I am really interested in how you progress the story and I look forward to reading more of your work. Great job!
Hey Emily! I'm from the Indian Epics class and was immediately drawn in by your title, that's such an important piece of a story and is the first insight to the reader, so great job! I noticed in the introduction some problems with changing verb tense and other things like that, so I would just recommend reading your story out loud to yourself so you can catch those things! Your stories were really great and I appreciated the detail you added since I hadn't read the source story. It was actually really interesting getting to read these from the Myth Folklore classes because I'm hearing the story for the first time from your retelling. Your author's notes also helped tie everything together for me, so great job making sure that even an outside reader is able to follow your stories! Maybe in your second story you could be more clear about Asushunamir's form because I didn't really follow that part until I looked it up separately, so that might be an easy detail to add to help people not as familiar with the source! Really great job!
Hi Emily! I like the title of your Storybook, I thought it was really fun and drew me in. Your introduction is well written and I am interested to see you spin the goddesses in a light that is different than their typical flawed, passionate existence. I like that you did not compromise Artemis or make her fall in love, but rather are going to let her travel the world and do what she wants to do. There is a very feminist feeling to the introduction to me and I enjoyed that thoroughly. I read your second story about Asushunamir, and I really liked it! The dialogue is well-written and her story is so fascinating. It also had some humor sprinkled in there that made the story very readable. I would have liked to have seen an image that would have given me a feel of Asushunamir or of the surroundings, but all in all good job!
Hey Emily! I really love where your story is going. Your title grabbed my attention immediately, and I was not disappointed after I read your introduction and first two stories. My favorite was the story of Iphigenia. I had never heard of her myth, but I love that you chose the version of the story where she is spared. Her character from the beginning was very relatable and compelling, and you made it obvious why Artemis would want to save her. I was really hoping she would show up in the second story, and was a little disappointed when she didn't. What if you gave her a line or two of dialogue in Asushunamir's story? She is a great character and I think it would be cool to have that continuity. Then you can just keep adding thhe previous characters in each subsequent story. Overall, awesome concept and I think you are going to end up with a great storybook.
Hi, Emily! My name is Jessie and I am from the Indian Epics section! So, to begin, I love that you took the time to explain what the different god’s purposes were. For someone like me, I ned the clarification because I know nothing of this nature. I think that your story could benefit from a little more description! Where is Iphigenia when she prays this prayer? I would love to see more imagery like “a haze of red.” The end of this story is so bizarre where he thought he killed his daughter but didnt! I love the way your portrayed this and allowed her and Artemis to be with each other. Great work so far! I am loving getting to read some different portfolios this week. Hopefully I get to read more of your work down the road. I wish your the best of luck on the remainder of your semester!
Hi Emily! I really enjoyed your project. Artemis has always been my favorite goddess; she's so fiercely independent. I like that you played on any of the traits that she’s famous for. I'm happy that you're writing your storybook project over Artemis and a few of her acquaintances. In your intro, you only mention Iphigenia, so it might be cool to also mention all of the other people you are going to include. I had never heard of Iphigenia and so I was really excited to read your story. You do a great job of using dialogue and imagery to showcase her story. For Asushunamir's story, I really like that you're combining two mythological traditions. I like that you made Artemis a kind and compassionate deity. Your Author’s Notes were really informative in both stories and helped guide the reader through what you changed. Great job with both the creativity and writing of your stories! I look forward to reading your finished product!
Hey Emily! I really enjoyed reading your project! The pictures you used in your project fits well with the stories you have been writing about. In my opinion, your website can be shown as little blend? Maybe add some color or change the layout of the text for the stories. I love how you choose to focus about females and Artemis is one of my favorite Greek goddess in the greek mythology. I am glad that i am explroing some of the Greek mythology since I am in the Indian Epics class. I am looking forward to read more stories from you and keep up the good work Emily!
Hello Emily, I'm from the Indian Epics course. I took Myth-Folklore last semester. I really liked reading your stories. I really like your focus on Artemis and the other goddesses in Greek Mythology. I really think the images you used worked well with your stories as well. I liked the dialogue between Artemis and the other goddesses as well. I think some of your paragraphs seemed like a long read and could've been broken up for an easier read, but still loved the stories.
Hello Emily. I like the title of the project. It is very creative. I sympathize with Artemis in the Introduction story. I have had people ask me if I am lonely because I was single before. I think that it is crazy that some people believe that you cannot be happy or content with being single. I understand that Aphrodite is the goddess of love, but she needs to take a step back. :)
”When the people of Greece stopped coming to her for help, and she began traveling the world.” --- I think it would sound better if it were like this, “...coming to her for help, she began traveling the world.” I do not think that the “and” is needed in this sentence.
But while she and her family reigned over Greece her troupe consisted mostly of nymphs who felt the same way she did, as well as a few human women to whom she had granted immortality. --- I think there should be a comma after the word Greece.
Hi Emily! I hope you are having a good days so far! I am from the Indian Epics class. I am a HUGE fan of greek mythology so your stories really drew me in! I used to be crazy about mythology and I would read mythology fiction books in my free time! Your story about Iphigenia was so great and well written! I wouldn't change a thing about it but optionally you could add a bit about Iphigenia and her family before her father decided to kill her, like about her home life and relationships before he made the decision. This can give a bit of background to see if they loved their daughter but not enough, as the still made the choice to kill her. Great job overall and I definitely look forward to reading more of your work!
Emily, This was my first time visiting your project and I thought it was really great! I love the theme that you chose and your banner images go right along with it beautifully. I'm a huge fan of Greek mythology, and I'm also Greek so it's even better! I think your stories and authors notes are great, and very informative. Great work!
Your storybook is fantastic! I have a strong disposition towards Greek Mythology, so your stories caught my attention pretty quick. Your introduction page set the stage for the rest of the stories very well. I also thought that the banner images you chose to use in each of your story pages represented each story very well. Your retelling of the story of Iphigenia was very good! You mentioned in your author’s note that this particular story had various endings depending on which story you read. I feel like that’s pretty typical of a lot of stories from Mythology and you did a great job with yours! I found it interesting that the people in the story really thought that Artemis had any power over the winds. I can see that Agamemnon got what was coming to him for such a stupid decision. Any way, your storybook was excellent! Great job!
Hi, Emily! I am back this week to read some more of your stories! This week I am focusing on Asushunamir. Right off the bat, I love that you give cut and dry explanations. For someone like me, this is helpful, as I do not know much about these topics. The majority of your story is full of descriptors and as a reader, I really appreciate it. It is imagery like this that sets an average story apart from an exceptional one. Your dialogue is very easy to follow and adds a lot to the story as well. Toward the end of your story, I found that I began to have pity for the isolated characters. It is so important for stories to allow the reader to emote. Lastly, I appreciate a full and informative author’s note, so thanks for that! Thank you for sharing a little more of your craft with us. I can’t wait to read more! Jessie
Hey Emily! I'm really liking your story book! I think that your working with Greek myths (always cool) is going in a really interesting direction. Your title caught my eye and sounded wonderful. I really enjoy your author's notes where you explain how your drawing from myths that aren't set in stone, with different versions and endings. I think that gives you a little more freedom to change and alter as you see fit, maybe even combine some versions. I think that your banner images work well, but you could add a few more in your story just to add some visuals, setting and the like. All of your stories are well written and I can't really find anything to add to that aspect. Maybe you could add sound clips or videos to set the mood a little more? Just trying to think up things you could add to take it to the next level.
Emily, you have no idea how fast I clicked on the link when I saw the title beaming "How to Join an Immortal Girl Gang." It's a super awesome title for a storybook and immediately drew me in. One thing before I forget and start ranting on how much I love this storybook: There's a typo in your intro. It is in, I think, the 6th paragraph. That first sentence has a wacky "and" thrown in after "help," that doesn't quite need to be there. If that "and" is meant to be there then that whole phrase would be an interjector so there should be something else after it. (if you have no idea what I'm talking about, please feel free to ignore my ramblings.) That being said, I'd like to get back to how much I love your storybook's overall idea. Firstly, Artemis - probably the most wicked of all the goddesses, and she had literally no chill when it came to unwanted suitors (i.e. Actaeon). I don't know if you meant for it to be but I feel like your storybook has some awesome feminist undertones. Iphigenia's story is usually told by men about the men and the men's heartbreak - it usually makes me cry anyway to be honest - but it's is so important to hear Iphigenia's voice during this moment. I love how its in Artemis' POV and how she feels responsible for the young maidens - as their goddess and caregiver. I've never really read a story that focuses on that relationship like this so please keep it up. This storybook is so awesome and I can't wait to read more. This note is already super long so I'm going to save the rest of the storybook for another day of commenting. Sorry if I rambled! Love what you've got so far!
It's so cool to come back to your Storybook after so many weeks; I have loved continuing to read about Artemis' adventures, and seeing how your writing has progressed.
This comment focuses specifically on your story about Kali, which I think does a great job of showcasing your writing skills. I especially liked how you juxtaposed Kali's warrior nature with her kindness! You did an excellent job of comparing Kali and Artemis, but I would have loved to see more contrast between them, as I think it could have added more drama to your story. Kali seems more confident than Artemis, while Artemis appears far more relatable. I think you could write more dialogue to further develop those character traits. I also appreciated that you included references to your previous stories. While the stories can still stand alone, tying them into each other helps to center your Storybook as a complete package, which I think can be difficult to accomplish.
Hi Emily! I really liked your storybook. I liked how you made Artemis the center of the stories but you also wrote it in such a way that you could involve other gods and goddesses. All of your stories were easy to read and I did not find any typos. While your stories were great what if you added more pictures to your storybook? I think that if you added pictures in between the text it would help your stories flow better as well as help your readers better visualize what is going on. I think it’s so cool that you have a more female focused storybook. Most myths have a male centered hero or if it has a female protagonist they are usually trying to impress or win a man. I like that because you picked Artemis you could focus on females that do not have a need or desire for men.
Hey Emily, Your story site looks awesome, and I really enjoyed reading your introduction page because it gives the audience a good idea of what to expect. This gave me a nice and helpful summary as to what your storybook project what about and how it relates to your title "How to Join an Immortal Girl Gang" (I think this is a great title by the way). I love the whole theme and idea of your storybook. The idea of female independence (not needing a man) is pretty much the same theme that I used for my storybook project. So, I think you did an awesome job with your theme. In my opinion, the deeper meaning and message you convey throughout your storybook is very important, especially in today's society since many women are still scrutinized for not being in a marriage or relationship. Great job and keep up the good work!
Hi Emily, I read your storybook a few weeks ago and decided it would be nice to come back and see how it has progressed. With your third story, Kali, I really like how the different deities from different eras and regions are intersecting and showing each other respect. I loved Kali's story and how fierce she was. I took the India Epics course a few years ago and it is really cool how you were able to weave that culture in amongst these other cultures. It seems right that Kali would deny to follow or leave her land, but I still think her story was important to read. I really liked your epilogue, especially when the goddess laughed them away due to lack of men. It did an excellent job of wrapping up the story and tying the whole thing together. Your writing was really excellent and I do not have any criticisms at this point. Wonderful storybook.
Hey there! Professor Gibbs featured your storybook in our class this semester and even though it's not part of my class, I wanted to leave a comment to let you know how absolutely awesome your project is! You seem like you really know the goddesses well. Plus, if you're interested, my project this semester is a choose-your-own-adventure story based entirely on Inanna's Descent into the Underworld (sites.google.com/view/the-labyrinth). I'd love to know what you think about it. Great job on your project! - Cate Howell
Hello Emily! I'm glad you are doing a storybook on goddess stories. Are all the stories going to be about greek goddesses or will there be goddesses from other cultures as well? First, I felt that this introduction had strong vocabulary. I especially liked in the last sentence where you said she loved her companions "fiercely" and "completely". While these words aren't necessarily big words or anything like that, they felt descriptive. I could tell she feels strongly about these people and other beings who accompany her in her hunt. Second, I can tell that your knowledge of Greek mythology is strong. I liked how you covertly included the fact that Zeus and Apollo have trouble controlling their desires and such. Basically, you included little bits of info on several gods/goddesses besides Artemis, and I appreciate that. It makes the story feel fuller. While Artemis is the focus of this introduction, we get to see how the world is outside of her. Anyways, great job on this introduction. I can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteHi, Emily! I think the idea of Goddess Stories is wonderful, though I do have a few questions. First, I found the title somewhat misleading when compared to the introduction. Will your Storybook focus exclusively on Artemis, or will other goddess like Athena and Aphrodite have equal representation? If so, will they have introductions akin to Artemis'? Next, have you considered taking creative liberties with the setting of your Storybook? You made the reference "after the humans stopped asking her for help so much, she could travel farther afield." To me, this sentence makes two implications. First, the story seems to be set sometime after the timeframe of classical Greek myths (when humans were frequently appealing to the gods for help), perhaps in the present day? Second, where exactly is farther afield? Will Artemis be traveling to exotic locations, away from Mount Olympus? I am eager to see these questions answered as your stories continue!
ReplyDeleteHey Emily! I really like the layout of your website. It has a very easy way to navigate through all of the pages within the website. Also, all of the links worked on the website and the comment wall. I liked the pictures you chose for the website up to this point and hope you use some Artemis images for the next pages you post. The title of the website is also really good. It grabs your attention and makes a person want to go to your website like I did. I also like your topic for the project a lot. The spin takes on Artemis is very interesting and I like how it is still similar to the original ways of thinking that Artemis and Aphrodite had in the Greek myths. I look forward to reading more and your story and seeing how it unfolds in the next pages in the future.
ReplyDeleteEmily,
ReplyDelete“How to Join an Immortal Girl Gang” is a fantastic, captivating title. I love the myths around Artemis and her hunting troupe (I even retold the story of Callisto, which the troupe modernized as a girl gang). I enjoyed your characterization of Artemis as a goddess who not only does not partake in the quarrelling of the other gods, but also a goddess who just does not understand why they engage in that behavior, anyway. She is definitely her own person (goddess?) in this introduction and I look forward to how you will write her in your stories!
Your intro was short, and to the point, and I feel like you got across what you will be doing in this storybook well. I don’t believe I have ever heard the story of Iphigenia, so this will be an exciting read for me. Good luck with your future stories, I look forward to reading them!
Hey Emily! Overall I really loved the introduction! I think the wording and the style are well put together. The primary thing that I have to say, though, is that I'm a little confused. I was excited to read about Artemis and her journeys, but then at the very end you seemed to change direction, and now I'm not totally sure what your next story will be about.
ReplyDeleteLike I said, I can't stress enough that I think your intro is wonderful, but I'm not too sure what to comment on, as I'm not totally sure what the theme of your storybook is. I think all you need to do is either add some lines that make it a little clearer or reduce sections of it that aren't as important. You've got a really good basis here, so I think all your story needs is a clearer direction and idea.
Hi Emily! I really enjoyed your introduction as well as the two banners you have on the home page and the introduction page. The title “How to Join an Immortal Girl Gang” really made me want to click on it and read it. It just caught my attention and I am sure I am not alone. The introduction was great. It shows how people are today. Everyone is trying to cause havoc and become the most powerful person that they can be. While Artemis is just all on her own with just her troupe, hunting and traveling the world. And she could never be happier. Everyone is wondering how she does it and does not believe that she could actually be happy. If you just tried it one time and not doing what everyone else is doing or what they are wanting you to do. I am looking forward to reading your first story and see how she joins the immortal gang.
ReplyDeleteHey Emily!
ReplyDeleteI really like that your storybook is about Goddesses! I found your idea to tell Iphigenia's story with more detail a very smart move as there was definitely a story to be told! I liked how Iphigenia, ever since she was a child, wanted to be active and learn how to defend herself. This empowerment of a seemingly minor character was very well done! I do wonder though, was it the actual death of Iphigenia that allowed the war to happen or the consequences Agamemnon was faced with after killing his daughter? This would be an interesting point to follow up on in either a future story or an edit of this story! As for the introduction, I found it very well written and relate-able to times today! The introduction of the characters was well done lead me directly to the first story!
This title caught me right off the bat. Based on the Greco-Roman arches I see on the Homepage I’m going to guess that this is about Artemis? Yup, first word of the Introduction. I appreciate your short paragraphs… especially for this kind of short story, it really helps to divide up the narrative and give the reader a sense of how the author wants them to read. You do a great job of causing the reader to think one thing when you reveal that it is actually another… I thought you were going to introduce Artemis as a lesbian, which I’m here for, but you made it more about #FierceFemaleFriendships and how platonic relationships can be just as fulfilling as romantic ones. I also like that you explore the idea that romantic relationships, and the accompanying passions, can distract some of the other gods from what they should actually be doing.
ReplyDeleteWith regard to Iphigenia, I love the graphic at the top! I also think this idea of Artmeis retelling the story is important, especially because it is clear that she has a very different view than the other gods. I find the line “And Artemis, loathe to disappoint her dear friend and alway hungry for adventure herself, would be all to happy to agree” to be particularly compelling.
In addition, the Author’s Note does a good job of fleshing out the story and making it clear who the main actors were.
Overall, really great job!
Hi Emily,
ReplyDeleteI really like the direction that you storybook is headed. I think it is a really great story line, and you definitely have the pictures and titles to draw your readers in. Your introduction is really good. It gives me a pretty good idea of where you are heading. I think it is great that you decided to focus on an unrepresented character by telling her story in a unique way. My main concern is in regards to your first story. I am not exactly sure where you are headed with this part. I understand the background of the story you are telling because you included a fairly detailed author's note. However, I think you need to add some kind of event that your readers can get excited about during the story, such as adding a twist to the plot. Your writing is really good - but I think that you need to add another component to this story that can draw your readers in to come read the next story that you post.
Hey Emily! I was really interested by your storybook topic! I like that you chose to write about goddesses, especially about Iphigenia, someone who is never talked about as much as the other goddesses. I think the way you are writing this story and the direction you are going with it is great! I like stories that focus not on the main characters, but on the side characters, or even the characters that are RARELY mentioned. In your story, you give a lot of background information about Iphigenia as well, which is really great for people who do not know much about her. I am curious to see what you do with the rest of your story and if you are going to bring in other goddesses (famous or not) or just stick with Iphigenia's story the whole way through! Great job overall and I can't wait to read the rest :)
ReplyDeleteHey Emily! First off, I love your title! How to Join an Immortal Girl Gang is just so fantastic and made me want to read your story immediately. Your intro does a great job of setting up the general information you need for the story, but I think it could be a bit punchier to draw reader's in more. I feel like you are doing a good job retelling the myths but there could be more variation. More of your individual style added. Is there anything that you are going to change about the myths? Are you going to insert a reader and have them actually join the immortal girl gang? Or are you just retelling stories about Artemis's followers? I think your writing style works well with what you have now, but you could add more interest and individuality to the retellings to make them more engaging, to differentiate yourself more from the original myth.
ReplyDeleteHi Emily, I have already commented on your introduction and now get to read your first story! I enjoyed the introduction and got lucky enough to randomize you storybook again. I remembered the title before I scrolled down and saw my comment showing how great the title is. The details throughout this entire story are spectacular. I enjoyed how she had lost track of Iphigenia and then one day she began to pray and immediately recognized her voice. And her reaction to finding out she is in trouble is great. She does not even know how she is in trouble yet and her blood begins to boil. I like how you said the Agamemnon might not need god’s interference for punishment since the wife’s punishment might be enough. I laughed when I heard that and everyone knows it is true. I really enjoyed your first story and look forward to reading your next two.
ReplyDeleteHey Emily! I really love the title you used for your storybook. After reading your intro and first story, I can say that you're very good at using description in your writing! A suggestion would be to make the first paragraph or few sentences in the intro even more dramatic, as your stories set the tone for this and the opening always entices readers even more. Your author's notes are very thorough and help people like me who haven't read these stories understand how you put your spin on it! The photos you use match your stories, and it could be cool to include another photo that depicts the scenery/setting of these stories so we can visualize the time frame. I think capitalizing on your descriptions passion will make your stories very enticing! An idea that could be helpful is to include transition paragraphs at the end so we know where the next story will pick up. Great job on your stories so far and good luck in the future!
ReplyDeleteHi Emily!
ReplyDeleteI'm a visitor from the site next door, Indian Epics, and I wanted to tell you that I really enjoy your storybook. Your writing style is clean, direct, and fun, and I love the mental image of this elite band roaming the world together for eternity!
Your choice to tell the origins for each (I'm guessing there will be more after Iphigenia) was very smart, and there's something so much more cheerful to imagining Artemis bringing them along, rather than letting them decompose as old sacrifices. There is a lot of uber-depressing stuff in almost every culture's backstory, and I love seeing this in a new (and slightly less morbid) light.
I can't wait to see who else will be initiated into the gang, and I really wonder if you're going to include a story with all of the members, perhaps as a finale? As you mentioned that Iphigenia suggested they strike out for the world, perhaps a tale in modern times could happen too, if they are still out there roaming?
Very fun reading! Thank you!
Hi Emily great job on your story book so far! I am from the Indian Epics class, so I appreciate the detailed introduction because it explains the background to your storybook really well. The plot behind your story is really interesting because you focus on only one goddess instead of multiple, but you go into great detail about Artemis. The purpose for Artemis granting Iphigenia immortality is explained well, and it makes more sense than Artemis granting her immortality for almost no reason. The authors note does a great job explaining how you changed the original story. It is definitely different from the original, but still sticks to some of the same details which makes a lot of sense for the type of storybook that you are writing. I am curious to see how you progress the story. If Artemis and Iphigenia just hunt and travel together, or if there are more that Artemis grants immortality. Great job on your storybook so far. I look forward to reading more of the stories.
ReplyDeleteHey Emily!
ReplyDeleteI really love your storybook! I have been doing a portfolio project and almost all of the other ones that I have checked out are portfolios as well, so I really appreciated the introduction you gave. Your storybook looks like it is really coming together nicely! I really love your writing style. You have a great talent in writing that keeps the reader interested and curious as to what is going to happen. I love how you have decided to focus on just one goddess instead of all of Mount Olympus. It is a new and refreshing way to take in some stories surrounding Greek mythology. I am really interested in how you progress the story and I look forward to reading more of your work. Great job!
Hey Emily!
ReplyDeleteI'm from the Indian Epics class and was immediately drawn in by your title, that's such an important piece of a story and is the first insight to the reader, so great job!
I noticed in the introduction some problems with changing verb tense and other things like that, so I would just recommend reading your story out loud to yourself so you can catch those things!
Your stories were really great and I appreciated the detail you added since I hadn't read the source story. It was actually really interesting getting to read these from the Myth Folklore classes because I'm hearing the story for the first time from your retelling. Your author's notes also helped tie everything together for me, so great job making sure that even an outside reader is able to follow your stories! Maybe in your second story you could be more clear about Asushunamir's form because I didn't really follow that part until I looked it up separately, so that might be an easy detail to add to help people not as familiar with the source! Really great job!
Hi Emily! I like the title of your Storybook, I thought it was really fun and drew me in. Your introduction is well written and I am interested to see you spin the goddesses in a light that is different than their typical flawed, passionate existence. I like that you did not compromise Artemis or make her fall in love, but rather are going to let her travel the world and do what she wants to do. There is a very feminist feeling to the introduction to me and I enjoyed that thoroughly. I read your second story about Asushunamir, and I really liked it! The dialogue is well-written and her story is so fascinating. It also had some humor sprinkled in there that made the story very readable. I would have liked to have seen an image that would have given me a feel of Asushunamir or of the surroundings, but all in all good job!
ReplyDeleteHey Emily!
ReplyDeleteI really love where your story is going. Your title grabbed my attention immediately, and I was not disappointed after I read your introduction and first two stories. My favorite was the story of Iphigenia. I had never heard of her myth, but I love that you chose the version of the story where she is spared. Her character from the beginning was very relatable and compelling, and you made it obvious why Artemis would want to save her. I was really hoping she would show up in the second story, and was a little disappointed when she didn't. What if you gave her a line or two of dialogue in Asushunamir's story? She is a great character and I think it would be cool to have that continuity. Then you can just keep adding thhe previous characters in each subsequent story. Overall, awesome concept and I think you are going to end up with a great storybook.
Hi, Emily! My name is Jessie and I am from the Indian Epics section! So, to begin, I love that you took the time to explain what the different god’s purposes were. For someone like me, I ned the clarification because I know nothing of this nature. I think that your story could benefit from a little more description! Where is Iphigenia when she prays this prayer? I would love to see more imagery like “a haze of red.” The end of this story is so bizarre where he thought he killed his daughter but didnt! I love the way your portrayed this and allowed her and Artemis to be with each other. Great work so far! I am loving getting to read some different portfolios this week. Hopefully I get to read more of your work down the road. I wish your the best of luck on the remainder of your semester!
ReplyDeleteHi Emily! I really enjoyed your project. Artemis has always been my favorite goddess; she's so fiercely independent. I like that you played on any of the traits that she’s famous for. I'm happy that you're writing your storybook project over Artemis and a few of her acquaintances. In your intro, you only mention Iphigenia, so it might be cool to also mention all of the other people you are going to include.
ReplyDeleteI had never heard of Iphigenia and so I was really excited to read your story. You do a great job of using dialogue and imagery to showcase her story.
For Asushunamir's story, I really like that you're combining two mythological traditions. I like that you made Artemis a kind and compassionate deity. Your Author’s Notes were really informative in both stories and helped guide the reader through what you changed. Great job with both the creativity and writing of your stories! I look forward to reading your finished product!
Hey Emily! I really enjoyed reading your project! The pictures you used in your project fits well with the stories you have been writing about. In my opinion, your website can be shown as little blend? Maybe add some color or change the layout of the text for the stories. I love how you choose to focus about females and Artemis is one of my favorite Greek goddess in the greek mythology. I am glad that i am explroing some of the Greek mythology since I am in the Indian Epics class. I am looking forward to read more stories from you and keep up the good work Emily!
ReplyDeleteHello Emily, I'm from the Indian Epics course. I took Myth-Folklore last semester. I really liked reading your stories. I really like your focus on Artemis and the other goddesses in Greek Mythology. I really think the images you used worked well with your stories as well. I liked the dialogue between Artemis and the other goddesses as well. I think some of your paragraphs seemed like a long read and could've been broken up for an easier read, but still loved the stories.
ReplyDeleteHello Emily. I like the title of the project. It is very creative. I sympathize with Artemis in the Introduction story. I have had people ask me if I am lonely because I was single before. I think that it is crazy that some people believe that you cannot be happy or content with being single. I understand that Aphrodite is the goddess of love, but she needs to take a step back. :)
ReplyDelete”When the people of Greece stopped coming to her for help, and she began traveling the world.”
--- I think it would sound better if it were like this, “...coming to her for help, she began traveling the world.” I do not think that the “and” is needed in this sentence.
But while she and her family reigned over Greece her troupe consisted mostly of nymphs who felt the same way she did, as well as a few human women to whom she had granted immortality.
--- I think there should be a comma after the word Greece.
Thank you for sharing your work with us!
Hi Emily! I hope you are having a good days so far! I am from the Indian Epics class. I am a HUGE fan of greek mythology so your stories really drew me in! I used to be crazy about mythology and I would read mythology fiction books in my free time! Your story about Iphigenia was so great and well written! I wouldn't change a thing about it but optionally you could add a bit about Iphigenia and her family before her father decided to kill her, like about her home life and relationships before he made the decision. This can give a bit of background to see if they loved their daughter but not enough, as the still made the choice to kill her. Great job overall and I definitely look forward to reading more of your work!
ReplyDeleteEmily,
ReplyDeleteThis was my first time visiting your project and I thought it was really great! I love the theme that you chose and your banner images go right along with it beautifully. I'm a huge fan of Greek mythology, and I'm also Greek so it's even better! I think your stories and authors notes are great, and very informative. Great work!
Hey Emily,
ReplyDeleteYour storybook is fantastic! I have a strong disposition towards Greek Mythology, so your stories caught my attention pretty quick. Your introduction page set the stage for the rest of the stories very well. I also thought that the banner images you chose to use in each of your story pages represented each story very well. Your retelling of the story of Iphigenia was very good! You mentioned in your author’s note that this particular story had various endings depending on which story you read. I feel like that’s pretty typical of a lot of stories from Mythology and you did a great job with yours! I found it interesting that the people in the story really thought that Artemis had any power over the winds. I can see that Agamemnon got what was coming to him for such a stupid decision. Any way, your storybook was excellent! Great job!
Hi, Emily! I am back this week to read some more of your stories! This week I am focusing on Asushunamir. Right off the bat, I love that you give cut and dry explanations. For someone like me, this is helpful, as I do not know much about these topics. The majority of your story is full of descriptors and as a reader, I really appreciate it. It is imagery like this that sets an average story apart from an exceptional one. Your dialogue is very easy to follow and adds a lot to the story as well. Toward the end of your story, I found that I began to have pity for the isolated characters. It is so important for stories to allow the reader to emote. Lastly, I appreciate a full and informative author’s note, so thanks for that! Thank you for sharing a little more of your craft with us. I can’t wait to read more! Jessie
ReplyDeleteHey Emily! I'm really liking your story book! I think that your working with Greek myths (always cool) is going in a really interesting direction. Your title caught my eye and sounded wonderful. I really enjoy your author's notes where you explain how your drawing from myths that aren't set in stone, with different versions and endings. I think that gives you a little more freedom to change and alter as you see fit, maybe even combine some versions. I think that your banner images work well, but you could add a few more in your story just to add some visuals, setting and the like. All of your stories are well written and I can't really find anything to add to that aspect. Maybe you could add sound clips or videos to set the mood a little more? Just trying to think up things you could add to take it to the next level.
ReplyDeleteEmily, you have no idea how fast I clicked on the link when I saw the title beaming "How to Join an Immortal Girl Gang." It's a super awesome title for a storybook and immediately drew me in. One thing before I forget and start ranting on how much I love this storybook: There's a typo in your intro. It is in, I think, the 6th paragraph. That first sentence has a wacky "and" thrown in after "help," that doesn't quite need to be there. If that "and" is meant to be there then that whole phrase would be an interjector so there should be something else after it. (if you have no idea what I'm talking about, please feel free to ignore my ramblings.) That being said, I'd like to get back to how much I love your storybook's overall idea. Firstly, Artemis - probably the most wicked of all the goddesses, and she had literally no chill when it came to unwanted suitors (i.e. Actaeon). I don't know if you meant for it to be but I feel like your storybook has some awesome feminist undertones. Iphigenia's story is usually told by men about the men and the men's heartbreak - it usually makes me cry anyway to be honest - but it's is so important to hear Iphigenia's voice during this moment. I love how its in Artemis' POV and how she feels responsible for the young maidens - as their goddess and caregiver. I've never really read a story that focuses on that relationship like this so please keep it up. This storybook is so awesome and I can't wait to read more. This note is already super long so I'm going to save the rest of the storybook for another day of commenting. Sorry if I rambled! Love what you've got so far!
ReplyDeleteHi, Emily!
ReplyDeleteIt's so cool to come back to your Storybook after so many weeks; I have loved continuing to read about Artemis' adventures, and seeing how your writing has progressed.
This comment focuses specifically on your story about Kali, which I think does a great job of showcasing your writing skills. I especially liked how you juxtaposed Kali's warrior nature with her kindness! You did an excellent job of comparing Kali and Artemis, but I would have loved to see more contrast between them, as I think it could have added more drama to your story. Kali seems more confident than Artemis, while Artemis appears far more relatable. I think you could write more dialogue to further develop those character traits. I also appreciated that you included references to your previous stories. While the stories can still stand alone, tying them into each other helps to center your Storybook as a complete package, which I think can be difficult to accomplish.
Overall, I think you’re doing great work!
Hi Emily! I really liked your storybook. I liked how you made Artemis the center of the stories but you also wrote it in such a way that you could involve other gods and goddesses. All of your stories were easy to read and I did not find any typos. While your stories were great what if you added more pictures to your storybook? I think that if you added pictures in between the text it would help your stories flow better as well as help your readers better visualize what is going on. I think it’s so cool that you have a more female focused storybook. Most myths have a male centered hero or if it has a female protagonist they are usually trying to impress or win a man. I like that because you picked Artemis you could focus on females that do not have a need or desire for men.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteHey Emily,
Your story site looks awesome, and I really enjoyed reading your introduction page because it gives the audience a good idea of what to expect. This gave me a nice and helpful summary as to what your storybook project what about and how it relates to your title "How to Join an Immortal Girl Gang" (I think this is a great title by the way). I love the whole theme and idea of your storybook. The idea of female independence (not needing a man) is pretty much the same theme that I used for my storybook project. So, I think you did an awesome job with your theme. In my opinion, the deeper meaning and message you convey throughout your storybook is very important, especially in today's society since many women are still scrutinized for not being in a marriage or relationship. Great job and keep up the good work!
Hi Emily, I read your storybook a few weeks ago and decided it would be nice to come back and see how it has progressed. With your third story, Kali, I really like how the different deities from different eras and regions are intersecting and showing each other respect. I loved Kali's story and how fierce she was. I took the India Epics course a few years ago and it is really cool how you were able to weave that culture in amongst these other cultures. It seems right that Kali would deny to follow or leave her land, but I still think her story was important to read. I really liked your epilogue, especially when the goddess laughed them away due to lack of men. It did an excellent job of wrapping up the story and tying the whole thing together. Your writing was really excellent and I do not have any criticisms at this point. Wonderful storybook.
ReplyDeleteHey there! Professor Gibbs featured your storybook in our class this semester and even though it's not part of my class, I wanted to leave a comment to let you know how absolutely awesome your project is! You seem like you really know the goddesses well. Plus, if you're interested, my project this semester is a choose-your-own-adventure story based entirely on Inanna's Descent into the Underworld (sites.google.com/view/the-labyrinth). I'd love to know what you think about it. Great job on your project!
ReplyDelete- Cate Howell